Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
