If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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