I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
