It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
