do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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