apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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