I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
