one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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