My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
