shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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