And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
