Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
