first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
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Do I have a choice?
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Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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