There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My liver just broke up with me...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
