Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
