I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
