Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
