I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
