That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
