i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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