I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
