Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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