well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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