I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
