I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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