I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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