Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
