We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
