well I can't set my house on fire every night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
