Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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