Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
