You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
