If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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