Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
