She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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