perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
