Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
