I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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