Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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