Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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