turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
