I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
