if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
