i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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