I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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