I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
