well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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