But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
