I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
