YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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