Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
