Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
